


Only The Dead Are Without Fear

by serenityabrin



Category: The Magnificent Seven (1960)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Yuletide Treat, hint of Lee/Britt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:20:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5464670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenityabrin/pseuds/serenityabrin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Character study of Lee right after his nightmare</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only The Dead Are Without Fear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/gifts).



" _We know what fear is. We live with it all our lives_."

" _Only the dead are without fear_."

Lee could hear the door shut behind the two villagers, and he was alone. For a long minute, he sat still in the quiet. The lamp before him burned in spurts, its flame doing little more than throwing shadows in the dark room.

He reached for the wine jug. It wasn't empty yet but he paused with it halfway to his lips. The villagers' words echoed in his head.

When had he become this? When had he become the man who hesitated in a fight? Whose hands trembled when the quiet before the battle descended? Whose throat constricted and breath sealed itself inside his chest when he reached for his gun? Whose heart began to hammer wildly when he saw the enemy approaching?

He set his naked hand flat upon the table and looked at the vulnerable flesh of himself. The back of his hand -- a shorthand for familiarity -- how foreign it seemed in this moment. His gloves had become a second skin to him. They hid the slight tremor, the fabric resisting the urge for movement, keeping him still and in control.

But his hand was no longer his to command. One fly. Only one. If it had been a duel? If his life had been on the line and he had to outdraw his opponent, the hesitation between one fly and all three could mean his life.

Was that it for him then? Was it an inevitability? He'd seen others travel the road he walked. It was so short for so many; why had he thought he would make the distance?

Lee snorted humorlessly. What a fool he was. A rival for Chico, surely. Maybe he'd never been as boisterous but surely he'd been as cocky. He'd chased after the danger. He'd poked the wild bear and looked wolves in the eyes.

Now the hunter was the hunted, and he wasn't fast anymore.

His skin prickled, and a cold feeling slid down into his belly. It turned the wine in his gut into ice. The air felt stifling and he wanted out.

He didn't move though. He knew this. Cornered, trapped, powerless -- prey looking for an escape.

Lee's fist slammed down onto the table. _That's not me! I've never turned away from a fight. I've never run! I'm not someone else's prey. They're mine!_

The feeling was hollow though. The ice in his belly churned like a winter sea-gale, and a nauseous feeling began to creep up his throat.

Lee took a deep breath, willing the feeling away. His hand relaxed by degrees but all of him felt rigid and strange.

A little healthy fear. Lee had heard that one too. Healthy fear. How could it be healthy when it made him feel so sick? How could it be good for him when it made his skin feel too tight -- made him feel ill-fitted in his own body?

 _Only the dead are without fear_.

Lee pressed his hand back into the table and leaned back. The obvious correlation of the dead being without fear was living _with_ fear. How was he supposed to do that? How did he craft a new man from the ashes of an old one?

Because he didn't recognize who he was now. He didn't know when it had happened or how but somehow all the decisions he made that chipped away at his soul had chiseled away everything he thought he was.

Lee sighed, shoulders drooping.

A sudden knock at the door startled him, and he immediately moved his still gloved right hand to his gun.

"Lee? You awake?" Britt's voice was muffled through the door.

Lee slowly let out his breath and let his gloved hand go limp. "It's open." He forced himself not to turn to look as Britt opened the door and entered the room.

"We're heading out soon."

Startled, Lee began to turn around but Britt had already moved to stand in his line of sight. "Chico infiltrated the bandits. They don't have any food; they can't afford to give up on the town. Chris wants to even the odds a bit. Reduce their number, drive off their horses. We're leaving as soon as everyone's ready."

Lee's heart jumped up into his throat. He hadn't thought they'd need to go back into battle so soon.

Forcefully, he swallowed down the panic. "Of course. I'll join you in a moment."

Despite his words, Lee didn't move. He needed a moment to collect himself -- to again put on a mask so no one knew how cracked and broken he was inside.

Expecting Britt to leave, Lee was surprised when Britt's hand was suddenly covering his own naked one where it still rested on the table.

Once again startled, he finally looked up and met Britt's eyes. "You don't have to go," Britt said softly. "Wouldn't hurt if one of us remained behind to look after things here."

"Did Chris say that?" Lee knew he hadn't. He'd worked a job with Chris before. He knew how their leader operated. He thought he knew Britt too. The implications of _Britt_ giving him an out didn't sit well with Lee.

Britt's blue eyes searched Lee's face. "It's not a matter of trust," he finally said, deep voice barely a rumble in the quiet room.

"Then what is it a matter of?" Lee asked.

Not answering immediately, Britt instead looked down where his hand still covered Lee's. Lee was very aware of how cool and soft Britt's hand felt over his. It was more intimate than it should have been. Lee was rarely without his gloves. Britt was not the type for handholding or casual touching. But he had yet to let go.

"Care."

Eyes snapping up, Lee met Britt's eyes questioningly. "I'm sorry?"

"It's a matter of care." Britt's tone was quiet.

"Is that something I need?" Lee's own tone was wary.

Britt shook his head. "It's not a matter of trust," he repeated. "Come if you want. Another gun is always welcome. It'll be a tough fight."

He squeezed Lee's hand, and finally let go. Lee could only frown as Britt backed away, not sure what exactly Britt was after.

"I'll be ready shortly," Lee said.

Britt nodded easy acceptance. "If that's what _you_ want." He held Lee's eyes for a moment before nodding again and turning to leave.

Once again Lee was left alone and confused. His hand tingled and he merely looked at where it rested on the table, still feeling like it was not his own.

Not sure what to make of the strange conversation, he shook his head resolutely, put on his missing glove, and got up to follow Britt out into the night.

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> I want to send a huge thank you to sasha_feather for beta'ing for me! All remaining mistakes are mine.


End file.
